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By Bunmi Sofola
Just how desperate are you to have a child? After exploring all avenues available to you medically, are you willing to seek outside help? Like natural insemination? Artificial insemination is when a donor sperm is introduced into the female vagina with the hope that the patient would eventually get pregnant.
This method is resorted to when the male partner’s sperm counts are too low to father a child – or they are just blanks.
All over the world, a lot of women are playing God by sneakily seeking the help of a virile man to help them get the much longed for child. These days however, with infidelity being condoned, some men have come out to support their wives in their quest to get pregnant, to the extent of agreeing to Natural insemination (NI).
One of such women recently quoted in a foreign press alleged that: “My husband knows what he wants to know. We have conceived through natural insemination and had sex with more than one donor over a few months. There is no doubt that it is emotionally charged and my husband found it difficult. Also, the sex with someone other than my husband is surprisingly enjoyable, sexy and kinky and if we are going to be honest, it’s cheating. We accepted all that and it worked for us. I wouldn’t have done it any other way. I agreed that my husband is wonderful and I will love him and be grateful to him forever, for giving us this opportunity to have a proper family.
“But natural insemination is how I wanted to make our baby. Bottles, tubes, syringes are just not what I wanted to be involved with when I became pregnant. I don’t judge anyone. It is just not what I wanted. We’re not swingers. I could never cope with my husband doing what I did, which is what makes him even more wonderful. But our sex life is not the point here. I wanted to get pregnant and I loved doing it. The whole process was fun, sexy and memorable. I am sorry if that makes me a harlot but there are no two ways about it. I did feel more fertile when dressed up, having sex all night and feeling satisfied in the morning. We don’t have any secrets.
“My husband knows what he wants to know and can ask anything. For what it is worth, he took me shopping for the underwear”. And if you are curious about how any man involved in such an emotionally volatile arrangement feels, here is a 32-year-old male’s view: “Insemination can be perfectly ok in a relationship, if both agree on it. I am a 32-year-old man. My wife is 27 and we have been married for three years. We are happy parents of a little girl who just celebrated her first birthday. My sperm count is very low and we had to use a donor. Natural insemination was the right method for us. We both think artificial insemination is much too clinical.
“This meant I was going to let my wife have sex with other men. And actually, I am ok with that. Of course I don’t like the thought of her enjoying sex with other men. But since I’m unable to do my part, I think it is my duty to step aside and be grateful that another man will help us out. And if my wife gets some pleasure out of this arrangement then I think she deserves it, considering that she is the one who has to be pregnant for nine months and give birth. We ended up using two donors and after three months, my wife became pregnant.
In about a year or so we will start looking for donors for our second child and we plan to use natural insemination again. Of course, those ‘donors’ don’t know they’re being used, as far as they know, they’re just having extra marital sex! “I completely understand why some people don’t want to use (NI) but today we are the parents of an absolutely wonderful little girl and that is all that matters – My wife has been kind enough not to tell me if our donors were better lovers than me. But I know she really enjoyed having sex with them. And I am very much aware there is a potential risk here.
“This has encouraged me to try to be a better husband for her.
I make a much bigger effort now to pay attention to her feelings and needs than I used to. We probably want two more children so there will be much more donor sex for her in the future. But I’m not worried. We think that going through with NI has only made our relationship stronger. I am so very happy that she was willing to do this to give us a baby. And she is happy that I trusted her enough to let her conceive a baby the way she wanted.”
How To Keep Your Cool When Others Are Losing Theirs!
According to psychologist Gladeana Mahoy: Don’t get angry in return when you’re provoked. That’s how physical fights start. Either don’t respond at all, or take a deep breath and speak in a calm and assertive way. Don’t give them cause to get worse.
“If someone shouts at you, defend yourself by saying: “I appreciate you feel angry with me, but shouting will not help solve the problem’. Or, “when you shout, it makes it really hard for me to listen to you.’ Anger management advice is that you should encourage the person to say what they don’t like about a situation, then suggest how it could be different.
But for a short, sharp rebuff, try these professional put-downs: “Thank you for sharing your views with us,” or “Can you shout that at me again?” It may not solve the problem, but it might diffuse the situation in the short term.
If a colleague persistently behaves badly, talk to your employer – they have a responsibility to ensure you aren’t abused in the office.
Record all incidents and inform your superior and/or union. Don’t wait for something to happen before taking action. If you notice someone is increasingly stressed at work, let them know your concerns, ask if you can help, or mention it to a superior.
If you think you’re about to flare up. Recognise the physical signs of stress in yourself – sweating, shaking, heart racing, adrenalin rushing.
Take a short break and walk away from your desk – or talk to a colleague after each task you complete. If you think you’re about to lose your temper, take what stress psychologists call a ‘circuit breaker” – put some space between you and the source of your stress.
Even leave the office if necessary. If you lose your temper in public and if a none-off, apologise, then don’t worry about it. Everyone does it at some time and wishes they hadn’t. It only becomes cause for concern if it turns to a pattern of behaviour or if it translates into physical violence.
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