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Though not actually a new development, cases of male partners absconding from their responsibility of being the breadwinner has become more pronounced in Nigeria, ERE-EBI AGEDAH IMISI examines the root cause of absconding fathers.
Nigeria’s skyrocketing poverty rate has taken a deep toll on various strata of the West African country’s society, particularly the Southern region despite its humongous economic value in the multi-ethnic and multi-religious country. Though not actually a new development, cases of male partners absconding from their responsibility of being the breadwinner has become more pronounced in states like Imo, Bayelsa, Cross River Abia, Oyo and Ogun.
These absconding fathers lead to single parenting occasioned by out-of-wedlock childbearing has disturbingly widened the gap between the poor and the stupendously rich and it is widening by the day, exacerbating the already precarious security situations in the country which recently was described as the world poverty capital, to be on the verge of emerging the poorest in the world ahead of India with about 1.3 billion population.
In Bayelsa state for instance the economic space has consistently shrunk as a result of oil drilling activities going on in the oil rich state. The people are predominantly peasant farmers who only depend on their subsistent agricultural activities to feed. But a vast majority of the land has been ravaged by unabated degradation which has made farming impossible.
No doubt there are few arable lands, even as the population squabbles for space to plant their crops to feed. Fishing as an alternative which provides employment to over sixty percent of the male adult population is also in jeopardy due to oil drilling activities.
Against this backdrop women in the region consciously ensure that their partners are financially stable before child bearing to avoid the case of single parenting. But despite the caution, our correspondent discovered that more women still fell into single motherhood with some women having to cater for as many as 4 children all by themselves.
In Bayelsa, the prevalence of single motherhood is associated with different levels of deprivation, poverty, as poverty among single mothers have been found to be linked to their socio-economic status like educational level, employment status, financial resources, family background and lack of support from their family members and father of the child/children.
Ironically, such women are pitied and blamed for their status, more often the blame is based on assumed personal character defects of the women and one wonders the origin of these circumstances can it be attributed to the weakness on the side of the women or access to better livelihood or irresponsibility of their partners.
The story of Preye a single mother of two girls is an example of just how a lot of young women somehow are sweet talked by their partners, that initial rush of adrenaline to give into the act but when the result of the act becomes apparent, with the responsibility coupled with the economic realities stare in the face, their partners fled the scene leading to single motherhood entrapment.
While breastfeeding her second 3monts old daughter, Preye recounts to our correspondent, how she became a single mother of two girls from different fathers, whom she has daily cared for without assistance from anyone, especially their fathers.
Preye lives in Akenfa, Bayelsa state, a graduate from the university of Port Harcourt but is presently without a paid employment because her second baby is still nursing.
‘‘I met the father of my first daughter Ineye in my 300 level, he was working in an IT firm, according to him, meeting me signalled the end of his dating days, he promised me marriage. I was still a virgin but considering the fact that he said I will be his bride I said why not have him for keeps.
‘‘It was a conscious effort to keep my virginity up till 300 level because I wanted my husband to be my first and only, my mum was a single mum and I remember vividly how it was always a struggle for I and my brother so I promised myself not to toll the same path like my mother.
‘‘We actually dated for 8 months and he will always ask that we solidify our relationship and become more intimate, I met his mother and 2 of his siblings so this assured me of my place in his life. Since I was still a student at the time, I lived on campus so he would usually invite me to come over to Yenagoa to spend the weekend with him. I obliged after much persuasion and one thing led to another, we got intimate, I returned to school but after a month I noticed I had missed my period, the test was conducted and it was confirmed that I was pregnant. I cried so hard because I had so many plans for my wedding day in my white gown.
‘’I decided not to inform Ineye over the phone so as usual I went for the weekend and broke the news to him that we are going to be parents, his countenance changed immediately and that was how my journey to single motherhood began. I returned back to school and he stopped picking my calls, called his mum, called his siblings no response. My mum encouraged me to keep the pregnancy, she supported me during exams and I was able to complete my university, Ineye never looked for me or his daughter.
‘’Fast forward to after service year, I was job hunting and considering my previous experience, I vowed to be more careful but Tega came and swept me off my high horse. I was celibate till I met Tega, he was mindful of my first daughter but still went ahead to date me.
‘‘For Tegas relationship he proposed to me, I actually aborted 1 pregnancy during the course of our dating but when the second pregnancy came in, I decided to keep her. We discovered that I was determined to keep the pregnancy. He did not run like Ineye but he was always harsh to me, no kind words, complained about everything and he said that my bride price will be paid after I had my baby. Precisely 7 months into the pregnancy when I demanded money to buy something for the baby, he said you are yet to put to bed and I have automatically turned to your ATM machine, I cannot keep up with this, you look so fat and you are no longer my speck.
‘‘So that is my story, now I have two daughters whose fathers are absent. I do my best to cater for them. Despite the fact that I am a graduate it’s been really financially hard for me. I do a lot of menial jobs to ensure that I cater for my kids, this was not what I planned but this is my sad reality. The opportunities in Bayelsa state are few but we are positive that it will get better and maybe someone will still marry me and support me with the upbring of my children’’
There should be a deliberate effort to ensure that a larger number of women in the Nigerian society are granted access to economic opportunities to fend for themselves and lend a support to the family.
This is why a great attention should be paid to artisanship and trade among women irrespective of their marital status. The disturbing rate of spousal battery in the Nigerian society is also traceable to issues related to finances in the home, where the man feels he shoulders a lot of responsibility while the wife contributes less. A minor provocation under such circumstances triggers conflict.
Governments at all levels, international organisations, non-governmental organisations, well-to-do individuals should commit resources to empowering young women with trade and craft for self-reliance and meaningful contributions at home.
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